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Jul. 20th, 2009

hell yes

(no subject)

MY ROOMMATE IS VEGETARIAN.  this is just... yes.

Jul. 13th, 2009



i finally saw the soloist today at the dollar theatre, which will soon shut down.and other happeningsCollapse )
i watched the enemy within again and haha i love that ep.

Jul. 10th, 2009


Short Story... that I wrote!!!



Jesus Christ I'm Scared to DieCollapse )
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 1483
Summary: A man who struggles with abstract fears finds an unusual and morally dubious resolution.
I would love all reactions, criticisms, advice, etc.
Notes: I found this from last year, re-read, made some edits, and thought the names were dumb.  So I left one, and changed the other to Jim.  Of course, it isn't Jim Jim.  but  Willpower = 0.

Jun. 24th, 2009


(no subject)

i just love this icon.
tmr i will get the butterfly tattoo, on my right ribcage.  i am excited and a little nervous.
i am reading this fic, and bones just left for some godforsaken planet, and jim will be leaving to captain the enterprise soon, and it is so heartbreaking, because they are not together and jim has a mac puppy.  apart for a year!  i actually cried.  this is the first bones/kirk fic i have actually really liked, where i felt the relationship worked.  it is by inell.
but then i watched and the children will lead, which made me feel a little better.  i mean, the turbolift scene, hot damn.
the pba alumni reunion is tmr.  i wonder who will be there.  i had a dream where many people were, old friends and stuff like that.  strange.
i should be sleeping, but...

Jun. 21st, 2009


Father's Day

so, today is father's day.  surprisingly, it brought my attention to my blood father and made me angry.  aulden doesn't count, because he has never been a dad, and it was my mother's choice to marry him.  fine, i respect that, and i don't hate him (most of the time), so okay.  but father's day... i don't have a father to celebrate.  i mean, my father did not send me a birthday anything, or a graduation 'hey, i'm happy for you', nothing.  because i didn't send the graduation card soon enough.  what the hell is that?  even his monetary value has bottomed, cause he can't give me money for college or even a signature for some gov. financial help.  you know what?  fuck him.  i'm pissed.
however, my icon tonight brings me some happiness.  cause i love spock's bitchface, and i'm pretty sure that his expression matches mine right now.
even while at work, stephan and i were talking about last names, and i said i wanted to change mine and he asked why, he likes it.  cause its my fathers name, and i don't want that connection.  he said oh, sorry, and i guess i must have put a little more venom into my tone than i meant cause he really meant it.  i didn't realize how much i actually would like a father figure, or a guy in general that i can rely on.  not that i don't think guys are reliable, just i haven't found a father-figure one yet.  i have guy friends who are more reliable than i am, so i can't complain in that department.
i will really miss them.  everyone.  my friends.  i will be leaving for the mainland, CA, in 5 weeks.  that is amazing.  i will be living with someone i don't know, and i will be on my own.  i think i would like a parter, not romantic, girl or guy.  just someone i am with all the time, who supports me, who i can support, etc etc.  or maybe even two people.  i want to feel safe with them.
god, i sound... bitchy.  well, but ok.  anyway.
i have been reading some great work lately, and this brings much happiness to me.
and, zachary quinto omg.  i am liking him more and more.  i would choose him over gackt, and that is saying something.
i woke up this morning with the best feeling of pleased satisfaction.  it was peculiar.
...he has infiltrated my fantasies.


i finally did it!

look at the icons i horded.  ohmagah.  this is so exciting!
it seems for the icons i deleted, they just go away and are replaced by my new default.  i guess i don't mind too much.

Jun. 18th, 2009



dinky is our cat.
she is very smart.
she tries to open the doors, which is possible, because the handle is a handle, not a knob.
but when she is in my room, she waits to be let out at the wrong side of the door.
i think she knows that turning the knob opens the door, but not which way it opens... how curious.

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today at work

this guy in a yukata came in and gave me a flier for tokoname, the japanese place a feww blocks away.  i was manning the store by myself.  he offered me a sandwich, but i said no (its the meat; yuck.)  he turned to walk to the next store, but i stopped him.  jake.  i recognized him from when i took a summer pe course as a freshman at KHS.  he was a junior back then.  strange to think i would meet him four years later.  he recognized me too.  nice talking to him again.  i'm getting  better at this idle conversation stuff.
i got some new icons, and ima change them in later today.
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Jun. 17th, 2009

k/s chemistry


it embarrasses me that the posts before this one are so k/s centric and completely dumb fangirl.  but they are the truth so vth.
although i have some thoughts on spocks 'im ashamed feeling friendship for you.'
when he said that, it occured to me that possibly (in my warped mind), he could mean his friendship is polluted by other, less acceptable feelings for jim.  it could also have meant, i stand by my vulan ways, yet you are opposite and i still feel this way about you, and that contradiction makes him ashamed.  it could also read as, i do not measure up, i don't deserve to have you as a friend or feel this way about you, which really could connect to the previous idea.  i don't know.  it is such an ambivalent statement, and paired with the one which comes after it and my k/s loving mind, could take a wrong (or so right!) turn that many other people would never consider.  not that i mind too much ;)
sexy spock

god i love this icon.

i watched the episode patterns of force today, and let me say ORGASMIC.  uhh.. yes.  i mean, jim with that hat, spock without a shirt (who would have thought his chest looked like that under the uniform?!?)  and their close contact in the jail cell half naked (without shirts.)  jesus.  it does not get much better than that.  weird thing is, i've always thought i preferred a smooth, hairless chest, but i had absolutely no problem with spock's fur.  and his arms, and the trail of dark hair along his stomach... woah.
on a more irl note, i went out to dinner with tara and talia and ryan at talia's work place.  the waiter was great, with a new york accent, and i love when he says pepper.  i think that may be a kink of mine: great service.  but anyway, we had garlic fries as an appetizer, and i had pesto penne with peppers (hee!), arugula, some hard cheese, and what i think were potatoes.  it was delicious.  and for desert, tara and i shared a creme brulee (my choice) and a pudding with cereal and ice cream underneath, and fruit and whipped cream around.  i also had coffee with desert.  everything was lovely; i think eating out is one of my favorite activities, especially when the food, service and company is pleasurable.
when i got to the restaurant, no one was there, so i waited in the waiting area, and the hostess talked to me.  i actually had a conversation with a stranger!  i told non that i have gotten better at idle conversation with costumers, so this skill seems to have carried over into my casual life.
talia and tara are having grad parties on the 9th and 12th.  yay!
kari had her grad party, and apparently her bf did not show up until 15 minutes after it was finished, and even then, he wasn't dressed well.  i guess i should not expect anything different from whomever kari chooses to date.  it is too bad though; i still have the decency to sympathize.
kari has also gotten a job where her mother works and is making $13 an hour.  almost double what tara and i make, and a fair amount over what talia makes.  i can't believe it.  i get the feeling she doesn't deserve it, but i have to wonder if i am just being selfish.  then again, i wish something like that would happen to one of us.
kari couldn't make it to dinner because she didn't have a ride, and neither tara nor i would give her one.  thing is, when she wants to see her bf, even if she doesn't really know him, she will make the excuse she is seeing us and then take the bus to see him.  but when it comes to us her friends, she has used up her excuses and wouldn't take the bus anyway, not for us.  i feel so used.  i used to give her a ride all the time, but when i can't now, i don't feel bad.  all three of us have stopped feeling bad, because enough is enough.  we won't deal with her self-made drama anymore.
when this started, we didn't say anything: awkward subject.  but we did start talking, and we all felt exactly the same way.  tara, though, will be stuck on the island with her when talia and i are gone.  at least for a year; after that, i hope she can get out of here.  i HOPE she moves to cali and i can see her... we made plans to go to las vegas over winter break when we are all 21.  and we will all go to tokyo disney when we visit talia.  god i'm going to miss them.

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